What if…

I have this opinion about blogs. They are themed ways of telling you certain opinions. When I read a blog post, I feel like the writer is really saying, “To the best of my knowledge, I believe this to be whole heartedly true.” And that terrifies the hell out of me.

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I don’t believe that 85% of the blogs I’ve read are trying to make me believe what they believe. I don’t think they are standing on soap boxes or looking down at me for thinking something else. I do think that they are looking at me with a sense of, “Look, here are the facts; here is common sense; and here is how I’ve interpreted life accordingly.” Their posts stand concrete and resolute, ready to face time and judgment and God’s wrath. Just kidding on that last one.

Their bold decrees of life scare me because no matter how strongly I say anything in my blog, secretly my brain’s saying, “What if?” What if this is true, then that must be the final conclusion. If this is how life really is, then that is how we have to think of a certain life whatever. Sorry, that sentence really plummeted because I got distracted by a book that was next to me.

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Where was I going?

Oh yes. I can’t think of anything that I’ve posted that was meant to be next to law. My problem is that my opinion of blogs hovers in the background and when I get to the end of my post I ALWAYS think, “Aw shit. I have to say something profound now.” Because really, like my conversations with people in real life, I just want to say whatever it is that came to mind, awkwardly fade out, and then super casually walk away without really needing to have a point.

“K, bai.”

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I love mental explosions. Have you ever thought of this movie in this way? I was at church and the sermon reading hit me at this point. I’m mildly schizophrenic and the voices are telling me these things. You know, just interesting things that pop up in my life that I kind of want to say with no ramifications. And you know what’s awesome about blogs? I don’t have to look people in the eye and say things. I can stop for a few moments and play Banagrams and then come back to what I was typing. It’s not super awkward if I spend five minutes trying to figure out that one. Freaking. Word. What the hell is it? Sorry, no it’s there. I swear it is. No one has to know how hard my mind stammers and struggles. I also don’t have the stress of trying to read facial expressions or decide if I’m being entertaining enough or politically correct enough or smart enough. Don’t like it? Don’t read it. I won’t judge you either way. I can just word vomit, throw in some quality gifs that I enjoy and then walk away, which I’m going to start to do, worry free.

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And I definitely don’t have an actual theme.

K, bai.

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