My 10 Christmas Jams

I’ve had roughly half a bottle of wine in the past forty-five minutes. Not to mention, I think I actually like the dog that’s living in my house which is moderately horrifying. In this haze of self questioning, I was also listening to a skosh of Christmas music and decided to list out my top ten need to hear or it isn’t Christmas, Christmas songs.

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1. Wham!’s Last Christmas

I don’t want to hear about Taylor Swift’s last Christmas. I certainly don’t give a flyinf fart in space about Rachel from Glee‘s last Christmas. But I need me some Wham! to get into the holiday spirit.

2. Angels We Heard on High

As a child, I was probably in two Christmas programs a year from preschool to eighth grade, and then probably a few more in high school. One of my favorite memories is my mom standing before us and saying, “I know you don’t know the word, just pronounce it egg shells e’s.” That’s what I sing to this day. It’s such warm happy memory that I love.

3. Wonderful Christmas Time

Probably hate this song. And by people, I mean I saw a post once where someone went off on how they hated this song. I love it though. Sure, it doesn’t proclaim the birth of Christ, but Paul McCartney is so damn upbeat about the season. You don’t have to be Molly Shannon in Santa Clause 2 excited. You can just have a wonderfl time and I support that.

4. Oh Come, All Ye Faithful

This is a serious throwback to my Boar’s Head days. Let’s be real about this, there’s this descant on the third verse that lights up my soul and I want to hear it all of the time.

5. Once in Royal David’s City

This is absolutely without a doubt a throwback to driving two hours from Saginaw to Ann Arbor to see my siblings in the Choir during Boar’s Head (Holla, Phil as a wassail-er). Sitting in the dark in a chapel and listening to the sweet, sweet sounds of a choir filling a chapel with this song, touches my soul.

6. Bing’s White Christmas

Much like Wham! I don’t really need the eighty thousand renditions of the song. All I need or will ever need is Bing singing Christmas cheer to me.

7. Run Run, Rudolph

It seems weird. I don’t really get crazy about this song with other people. I know everyone gets my Last Christmas crazy, but this one is really a favorite. I love it a lot when it cycles through my Pandora station.

8. 12 Days of Christmas 

Okay, 12 Days of Christmas: Eddie Izzard does this beautiful bit about how no one knows the words to this song except the “Five golden rings!” part. It’s true, therefore hysterical. He’s all, “People run in from different rooms of the house just for that part. Five golden rings! The rest of the song is four monkeys shitting, three hmm-hmm-mmm-mmm, blah-blah-blah.” SO FUNNY.

9. 12 Pains of Christmas

12 Pains of Christmas: Google this. My family laugh about this all of the time. We connect on a spiritual level with the Christmas card writer and the guy trying to put up Christmas lights. “One goes out and they all go out!” “If you’re so smart, you put up the lights!”

10. Sleigh Ride

There is an infamous car ride to celebrate Christmas at my grandparents in which my sister Janelle purposely butchered the lyrics of this song, and sent my other sister into a livid fit. Looking back, we probably shouldn’t have laughed so hard because Tracie really was upset. Still, I can’t sing this song without going, “Giddy up, giddy up let’s go/ let’s play in the snow/ somethings about SNOW.” Also, I will only ever hear my sister Janelle’s voice saying “Yoo-hoo!” at the “Snow is falling and friends are calling” part. Serious Christmas joy.

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