Ten Things I Won’t Find Under the Christmas Tree

I’m a December baby, but I can’t even really complain. My mom had a cousin or someone who had a December birthday. She thought it was wildly unjust that this person received Birthday-Christmas presents instead of birthday presents, and then Christmas presents like everyone else. When i was born, she made a rule that essentially boiled down to: “You don’t have to buy her two gifts, but if you only buy her one it will either be a birthday gift or a Christmas gift. It won’t count for both.”

So, I grew up not even knowing the struggle of December babies getting one present for two major calendar events. My mom worked really hard to separate my birthday from Christmas, for which i’ll forever be blessed and thankful for.

But since my birthday IS roughly in two weeks, I did have to make a Birthday-Christmas list, which is how I’ve been labeling the list for two decades now. I figure it’s easier for everyone if I just send one list and they can pick one or two items from it. My lists usually consist of books, movies, and nerdery. One, because that’s my jam. Two, very often I have champagne tastes on a beer budget. I’m happy with life, and I consider my extravagant wants as a sign of a happy and blessed life. I can worry about vain things because I don’t have to worry about the health and safety of the day-to-day life of myself or my loved ones. Still, I thought it would be fun to share. Allow me to illustrate my ridiculousness by showing you what I’d really like:

1. All expenses paid, round trip to London for two weeks

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2. The exact amount of money to pay off my student loans

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3. Tom Hiddleston

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4. A brand new Ford truck

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5. A high paying job rooted in English or writing, based in England

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6. Braces

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7. A really nice studio apartment near Ann Arbor that doesn’t charge me rent

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8. Unlimited number of Starbucks and Barnes & Noble gift cards, all with $100 on them

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9. Chris Evans (and Hemsworth can come too)

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10. Harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan

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