I was on Pinterest, which was the rabbit hole before BuzzFeed became a thing. Anyway, I clicked through on a pin that led me to a page full of Robert Downey Jr. gifs. Now, in true RDJ fashion, all I want to do is talk about myself, use RDJ gifs to illustrate my points, and not give a shit whether you approve of my life or not. You’re welcome.
1. People annoy me. I live my life accepting that, but sometimes, I swear God places people in my life with more trust that I won’t kill them than I have trust in myself not to kill them. They set off an anger in me that’s nearly astounding.
2. Usually, I get the most angry with people when they’re not doing what they should be doing, or when they’re being lazy or stupid. I want to throttle them just a little because 9 times out of 10 they’re making my life harder because they can’t pull their shit together. And that one time they aren’t making my life a shit storm, I can 100% guarantee their making the life of someone like me miserable.
3. That being said, I’m a total asshole. I’m realizing this as I get older and as I struggle to come to terms with my mental illnesses. I don’t entirely know why people like me because I’m often not an likable person.
4. But I have good qualities too. I have a wealth of useless knowledge that people have sought me out for from other states. I don’t entirely know where I’ve gathered this knowledge. I suspect it’s from years of movies and internet use. There’s no other explanation. School did not teach me the sort of things I know.
5. I give out this information when asked, but us often without being asked. Much like people who will start singing a song when they hear a single word, I will blurt out fun facts and knowledge tidbits as soon as they pop into my head, inevitably making the situation awkward.
6. Life gets awkward. A lot. Or maybe that’s just me. Awkwardness is the high point in my day though. Mostly I feel like I’m orchestrating a really majestic nuclear fallout in which everything in my life goes to shit anyways, so I’ll just enjoy the things I enjoy, and everyone can just shut their mouth.
7. It’s either that or get bored. And I get so bored. I have to deal with people on a daily basis I just don’t care about (I love them and wish them all the salvation Christ can give, but their voices also give me mono). They open their mouths and start talking to me about the stupidest shit and all I can think of is, “Why the hell are you talking to me?” But I try to play nice, inevitably being even weirder by distracting myself with any means necessary.
8. At some point this inevitably makes me reevaluate my life. Am I really living up to my full potential? I look at people around me, and see other people succeeding at my age. The other day I was writing a To-Do list and for the title I used bubble letters. I’m 25 years old and used bubble letters for an actual paying job. Other people are curing cancer. I find that infuriating and impressive.
9. I also have struggles with impulses. I want things, guys. I want ice cream and wine and books. Oh the books! I don’t go shopping because window shopping does not exist in my world. If I visit four stores with a group of friends, I buy one thing from each store It’s so terrible. I try to say no, but I have to be very strict by saying no to everything. No, I can’t sit in Starbucks because I will get a coffee. No, I can’t do to Barnes and Noble because I will buy a book (or three). Seriously, if I walk into a store, it becomes, “BUT I NEEDS THE PRECIOUS.”
10. And then the real struggle of my life, past the personality flaws and the slight tendency towards being a twat, being touched. It happens so much. Just today, a coworker accidentally goosed my ass. Do I have a magnet on my being that draws others to me? I don’t understand. Stop the groping. Say no to invading my personal space. Love me, but from a distance.