I saw a rainbow today. Mostly I think of rainbows existing after a storm, once the rain has stopped and the clouds have gone away. Today was different. I walked out to take out the trash as it began to drizzle. I looked up into the sky, and it was one of those weird days where it was raining and cloudy, but very bright from the sun. Everything is all together and you wonder what the hell is happening. I happened to look off to my left and there against the flat gray of clouds that covered half the sky was a rainbow. It was stuck right in front among the gray. It was beautiful and reminded me that God’s love isn’t present after you”ve weathered the storm. It’s there getting you through the storm. The whole event inspired me to be grateful, to see the ways God is blessing even though things feel like shit and sometimes like they won’t get better. It inspired me to see the sun shining even though it’s also drizzling.
1. I have crazy parents. For some reason, they are giving. They give and give, and most of the time I know I am absolutely undeserving of all they give me, but they don’t care. They love me so much, and I love them. I can’t even begin to comprehend how lucky I am. When people talk about hating their parents, or when they complain about their families, I don’t even know how to process that because my parents and my family are spectacular. Even when they aren’t, they are.
2. God’s kept a roof over my head consistently. It’s meant living in a hotel, at stranger’s house, and in a dorm. It’s meant a friend having an equal need for a roommate just when my knees were hitting the floor the hardest as I begged God for an answer. He’s taken care of me in one continuous and seamless motion.
3. I’m getting a raise. Money is a huge struggle. I think with student loans, it will probably always be a struggle. However, God has placed me in a job where I get an increase in compensation when I’ve earned it. I’m not taken for granted; I’m appreciated, partly in monetary form. This is good. I can pay bills. I can survive, sometimes barely, but I can survive.
4. I have friends, not a lot, but I don’t need hordes. As much as I joke about taking over the world, I have a handful of really amazing friends I keep in regular contact with. They get me and I get them. We have fun together. We talk about important things. It’s a wondrous feeling to know that there’ll be someone on the other end of a text who actually cares.
5. I can read. I get to read. There are books and stories and articles all around me. I have an endless source of material to ingest and digest and to think critically about, or not think critically about. I have a constant opportunity to expand my mind and broaden my knowledge of life. No one can be luckier than that.
6. I have purpose. Some days I don’t really know what my big picture looks like. I don’t think I’ll work at a spa forever. I don’t know if I should go back to school. I do go into work and know that what I do is important. I use skills and talents that I enjoy using to get work done. I have fun and laugh. I help make people’s lives easier if not better. Plus, I get to be an example of Christ in an environment and in situations that might not otherwise see God. That’s cool.
7. I can manage my depression. I’ve been blessed to be able to manage my depression. I’m not saying anything about anyone else. I’m just saying that I personally don’t want to have to take regular medication for my depression. It’s not what I want for myself, and I find that I’m extremely lucky to be able to do that. Not everyone is, however, no judgement on how others want or need to live their battle with mental health. Every fight is different, and every fight is real.
8. I have a car. It’s probably going to fall apart ten seconds after this posts, but right at this moment, I have a means of transportation. I can go anywhere I want, except to islands. Still, work, church, Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, Panda Express… need I say more? I’m crazy thankful for that. Unless gas is over $3 and then I start an impromptu Lenten season so I can give up driving.
9. Bic pens.This is arguably a weird one, but I’m really insanely thankful for Bic pens. They have seen me through the majority of my writing life. They have been there through it all. They’ve seen me grow and develop as a writer. And basically, I just don’t like how other pens write as much as I like the white tube Bics. I’m biased, get over it.
10. I keep having something to say. I always have this worry that I’ll run out of words, like one day I’ll wake up and genuinely have nothing to say. That never happens. There’s always a thought to think and a comment to utter. Words keep populating in my head no matter how many I used the day before. I like that. A lot. And I’m very thankful for it.